Ask Dr. Love: Green with Envy

Q: I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a few months now, and things are going really well. He’s sweet, attentive, and we have a lot of fun together. However, he can also be very jealous at times, and it’s starting to affect our relationship. Whenever we go out to a bar or club, he gets upset if someone flirts with me, and he’s always checking my phone and social media. He says it’s because he loves me and wants to protect me, but it’s starting to feel suffocating. What should I do? Does jealousy really equal love?
– Worried and Wondering

A: First of all, anyone going through your phone is subject to termination. Let’s use logic:  someone who goes through your phone does so because he doesn’t trust you. And without trust, there is no relationship.

Secondly, jealousy isn’t a result of love. Jealousy is a direct result of insecurity. It has nothing to do with how much he loves you and everything to do with how little he likes himself.

He claims that he is protecting you. Ask yourself what he’s protecting you from exactly. Killers, kidnappers, ghosts, villains, and the occasional girl who gives you a dirty look from across the bar? Or, perhaps, he’s just protecting his own weak ego. The story he’s telling himself is that you’re too good for him (maybe he’s right) and if he takes his eyes off you for  half a second, you might meet someone who is confident enough to be proud to be with you. Another part of this false narrative he’s buying into is that you have no agency to decide for yourself, which is yet another red flag in this relationship.

In the very politically-correct world we live in, we are going to take a chance and be very politically incorrect in saying that yes – it is your man’s job to protect you; but let’s make sure he is protecting you from an actual threat and not just protecting his own jealous insecurities.

Time to send this boy back to where he came from. Green with envy needs a therapist – not a girlfriend.

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