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Love in the Fast Lane: Is It Real or Am I Being Manipulated?

So I met someone at a bar, and I know what they say: “you’re never going to meet a nice girl at a bar,” but I feel like she’s so different from anyone I’ve ever met. She’s thoughtful, kind – and hot. We exchanged phone numbers and started talking daily. We met for coffee then two dinner dates. I’m not usually a take-it-fast kind of guy but I think she might be the one. The only problem: she’s already in a relationship and living with the guy. She says he’s controlling and abusive and that she wants to leave him, but she has nowhere to go – and she’s asking about moving in with me. She doesn’t work and her (hopefully) soon-to-be-ex has been supporting her financially for the last couple years while she’s been in school. My one big worry is that she claims she’s unhappy with her current situation, but her social media tells a different story. Online, she seems happy and in love and when I ask her about it, she tells me she’s just keeping the peace until she moves out, which I guess I understand. How do I really know if she is the one or if I’m just being manipulated?  – Mr. White Knight


Sometimes when you’re in love – or think you’re in love – the emotional love bug distorts your ability to think logically. Additionally, often people confuse being in love with a person and being in love with a feeling. Co-dependency can be described as “being in love with being in love.” Where you met this woman is irrelevant; meeting someone in a bar or nightclub is no different than meeting them at the local coffee shop, online, or even in church. Remember: there are good and bad people everywhere. The concern is that she is transitioning from one man’s house to another man’s house so rapidly.

Anyone can fall on hard times or find themselves in a relationship or living situation that’s less than ideal (or potentially dangerous). However, instead of your new love interest attempting to better her situation through other means, she’s gone straight to asking for a permanent address at your place. Chances are she’s been planning on leaving her current boyfriend for some time now and has been hunting for her next place to live. Congratulations: it looks like she may have just found it. You might be in the running with other guys as her newest Knight in Shining Armor. However, before accepting this high honor ask her some questions: Where did she live prior to her current live-in situation with her boyfriend? If it was her ex-ex-boyfriend’s home, then her ex-boyfriend’s place – she’s showing you a pattern. What’s her plan for contributing to your household? If she doesn’t have an answer or hasn’t even thought about that not-so-small detail, you could have a professional grifter on your hands.

She either can’t live alone for financial reasons, or she can’t live alone for emotional reasons. Either way it’s not good for you, Mr. White Knight. Our bet is she isn’t moving in because she wants you, she’s moving in because she needs you. Cancel the U-Haul and pump the brakes. And you can be certain that if you decide to move her in, she’ll have her next man and his home address on the radar before your relationship with her fizzles out. Remember: no one falls in love faster than a girl who needs a place to live.



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